Wufei Goes To Court
by The Gemini Twins
Summary: Wufei: The Bringer of Justice is now a lawyer! Guess what important case goes to court! First humour fic so please review! The forth part is up now! Plz read!
1. Wufei Goes To Court


    ***************************************************************************
    * There aren't any disclaimers cuz everyone knows that we own nothin'. *
    * And all we have to say is......this is either lame or nuts. *
    * You have been warned. *
    * *
    * ~The Gemini Twins~ *
    ***************************************************************************
    
    
    
    Bangs from a mallet sounded throughout the whole room.
    **
    "Okay, order in the court!!! Man, I ALWAYS wanted to say
    that..hey speakin' of order I wanna order a nice double
    cheeseburger with EXTRA onions......hey I think I broke
    the mallet...where'd that top hitting part go?"
    **
    Everyone in the room sweatdropped as the judge, His Honour,
    Duo Maxwell, sat down in his chair.
    **
    "Hmm, and OH extra large fries, a few cans of pop, and a
    BIG chocolate milkshake to top it all off mmmmmmm...."
    **
    Duo drooled as he thought of those heavenly foods, staring
    off into space.
    Then someone from the jury cleared their throat *REALLY*
    loudly. Duo was snapped out of his daydream.
    **
    "Yo man, get yourself some throat lozenges, you're gonna
    kill yourself doing that. So...what this all about? YO
    WU-MAN!! WUZZUP MAN? Haven't seen you in a while!"
    **
    Everyone turned and looked at Wufei, the Bringer of Justice,
    as he opened his briefcase and took out a few papers.
    **
    "Well, Your..."** then he paused.
    _**
    "Am I actually going to call this idiot YOUR HONOUR?? Now
    that would be just wrong...PURE INJUSTICE!! I CANNOT STAND
    FOR THIS!!! I'm not going to call this braided baka YOUR
    HONOUR! He does not have any honour! He does not deserve
    honour! Nataku will never approve of this!"**_ Wufei thought
    to himself.
    Duo knew what was going thru Wufei's mind, he finally got
    himself a good job and now he's going to enjoy it.
    **
    "Say it."
    "No, I will not..."
    "Say it!"
    "NO!!!"
    **
    Wufei's blood was boiling by this time. (Uh oh....)
    **
    "SAY IT WU-MAN! YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO!!!!!!!!!"
    "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
    **
    And with that, the Chinese man flew from his spot jumped
    onto Duo's desk and started to strangle him.
    **
    "NOW THIS..........IS.....HOW..........YOU......DELIVER..
    .......JUSTICE!!!!!!!!!!"**
    A feminine voice was heard from somewhere in the room, chanting the words
    **"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"**
    Meanwhile, our not-so-honorable judge was having some minor
    technical difficulties.
    **"Heeeelll*gag*llllllll*gag*llllllp *gag* meeeeeee*gag*eeeee
    AAAAAA*gag*AAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"
    **
    Duo screamed until the security guards rushed in to pull the
    enraged man off him and was dragged into his seat.
    **
    "Well....THAT shall be dealt with LATER!"** Duo scowled as he
    rubbed his neck then he beamed that smile that he was
    famous for.
    **
    "ANYWAY! Mr. Chang......do state the case.....PROPERLY,
    with respect...poise...and....honour."** he smirked.
    **"Well.."** Wufei started again, he gave Duo a Death Glare™
    [It makes a very good gift these days. =)] Duo smirked.
    Wufei growled and looked around, the big security guards
    glared at him, warning him if he did anything, he'd get
    hurt.....REALLY hurt. Wufei glared at Duo again. He still
    had that smirk that said, "Give it up, I won." Wufei sighed.
    _**
    "He'll pay for this"**_ he thought.
    **"Y-y-you-your ho-hon-honour..."** Wufei choked out the words,
    the hardest thing he ever had to do his whole life. He was
    defeated, defeated by Duo. Duo bursts out laughing, at
    first banging on his desk, holding his stomach.
    **
    "Oh my...MUAHAHAHAHAA..oow my stomache..AHAHAHHAAA...oh my
    Shinigami....MUAHAHAHA"** For some reason, Duo started to
    crawl up on his desk laughing.** "AHAHAHAHA......OOF!!"**
    Duo fell off the desk......a full 6'4 drop but then started
    rolling on the floor laughing his head off.
    **
    "MUAHAHAHHAHAHHA....he said it! He said it!!!!!! AAHAHAHHAHAA!!!"
    **
    Wufei tried to swallow his anger, but he couldn't, he just
    couldn't take it anymore! He needed to beat the crap out of
    Duo like how Ricky Martin needed dancing lessons. _
    (Ricky fans, you can complain to me about this, I'll change it,
    I do enjoy his music though!)
    _**
    "THAT'S IT!! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!"** shouted Wufei as he
    jumped on Duo and both of them started wrestling on the floor.
    **"FIGHT! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!"**
    Everyone sighed.......it was gonna be a LOOOOOOOOONG day.
    The security guards had to jump in to break up the fight
    once again. This time, they chained Wufei to the table so
    he couldn't get to Duo again.
    Duo was catching his breath while Wufei fought with the
    chains screaming **"INJUSTICE!"** at the top of his lungs.
    Then the opponent screamed,** "COME ON! LET'S GET THIS OVER
    WITH!!!!!!!!!"
    "BE QUIET YOU WEAKLING! THIS IS INJUSTICE!!! CHAINS!!! I'M
    BOUNDED BY CHAINS!!! YOU ALL HAVE NO INTEGRITY! FINE! I'LL
    GET THIS STUPID THING OVER WITH!!"** Wufei shouted back with
    red eyes glaring at everyone who looked at him.
    He picked up his papers and started reading. A calm and
    collected look took over the enraged face.
    **
    "My client.......Mr. Heero Yuy claims that a very valuable
    possession of his, was damaged and he is suing that weak
    onna over there--"
    "THAT IS ASSAULT!! That man is assaulting my client!!" Dorothy
    interrupted shrilly. Everybody ignored her.
    "...As I was saying," Wufei glared. "My client is suing
    that --_woman_ over there, the Bringer of Injustice,
    Relena Peacecraft because he thinks that she is responsible."
    "And what is this VALUABLE possession that we are talking
    about here? Must be very important to make it a case.....
    hopefully I'm not here wasting my time...we judges can not
    waste our time, we have better things to do, y'know,"** Duo said.
    **
    "Like what? See how much food you can cram into that black
    hole of yours, Maxwell?"** Wufei muttered.
    **
    "I beg your pardon?"** Duo swore he heard Wufei say something
    to him but then he couldn't make it out. Something about
    whack olives.......
    **
    "Oh you'll be begging alright.....you'll be begging for your
    life..."** Wufei muttered again.
    **
    "YO WU-MAN! HOW ABOUT SAYIN' IT TO US INSTEAD OF YOUR
    IMAGINARY FRIEND THERE?!?!"** Duo shouted.
    **
    "NATAKU IS NOT IMAGINARY!!!!! NATAKU IS REAL AND HE WILL
    BRING JUSTICE TO THOSE SPANDEX SHORTS THAT THAT ONNA
    RUINED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"** Wufei
    screamed as he tried to break out of the chains again.
    **
    "AND I'M GOING TO SUE THE PANTS OFF YOU, RELENA!!!"**
    _(Excuse the pun haha.)_ Heero added to Wufei's
    screaming fit. Heero, who had been sitting quietly in his chair
    up until now, jumped out and helped Wufei with the chains.
    Then Wufei leapt up to Duo and they started to wrestle again,
    while Heero pulled out a gun _(He always seems to have one,
    doesn't he?)_ and shot Relena.
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
    Uh oh! What's going to happen? What happened to Heero's
    beloved shorts? Will justice be delivered? Will Wufei stop
    attacking Duo? Were those olives REALLY whack? Part 2 will
    be coming up REAL soon! Thanx for reading!
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
    Jeanette: You onna! I _told_ you to use AMERICAN spelling!
    Lavender_mists: But...we're Canadian....from Canada..you
    WERE from USA but now you're in CANADA
    guess you'll have to live with it EH??
    By the way, you're an onna too, hope ya
    know that.
    Jeanette: Hrmph.
    Duo: WAZZZUP?! *eyes table* OOH!! FATTENING PIZZA!!
    *starts shoving pizza into his mouth*
    *eveybody looks at Duo*
    Lavender_mists: I swear, you'll never see me doing that..
    NOW REVIEW!! Part 2 is coming up soon!
    


	2. WGTC II: Die Relena!


    Words pop up on a screen with clouds in the background*
    THE SIMPS-- I mean, GUNDAM WING!!!!!*
    Camera pans right, stops, then zooms into an open window
    of a school, into a class room.
    We see Duo writing on a blackboard:
    **************************************
    * Shinigami does not own Gundam Wing *
    * Shinigami does not own Gundam Wing *
    * Shinigami does not own Gundam Wing *
    * Shinigami does not own Gundam Wing *
    * Shinigami does not own Gundam Wing *
    * Shinigami does not own Gundam Wing *
    * Shinigami does not own Gundam Wing *
    * Shinigami does not own Gundam Wing *
    * Shinigami does not own Gundam Wing *
    * WELL NEITHER DO THE GEMINI TWINS!! *
    **************************************
    *End Disclaimer*
    Annoying narrator voice:
    LAST TIME ON DRAGON BA *whack* ooh uuh...WUFEI GOES TO COURT!
    **
    "YO WU-MAN! HOW ABOUT SAYIN' IT TO US INSTEAD OF YOUR
    IMAGINARY FRIEND THERE?!?!"** Duo shouted.
    *pan to Wufei eating a donut...yes...a DONUT*
    **
    "NAWTAWKOO*gulp* uuh NATAKU IS NOT IMAGINARY! NATAKU
    IS REAL AND SHE WILL BRING JUSTICE TO THOSE SPANDEX
    SHORTS THAT THAT ONNA RUINED!"** *wipes mouth on sleeve*
    _
    (Note: I'm sorry but I called Nataku a HE last time, sorwy!)
    _
    *pan to Heero who was sitting down at the table, on the
    table...donuts...wontons..lots of dim sum...noodles...tea...*
    Quatre:** "TEA??!??! TEA?!??!?! WHERE? WHERE'S THE TEA?
    LEMME AT IT!!!!!!! TEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAA!!!" **
    *Quatre gets dragged out of the court with him screaming
    for tea*
    [whispers]
    Heero:** "Good going man, now we've lost them..."**
    (Them=audience=you)
    *pan to Wufei*
    [whispers back]
    Wufei:** "Well I was hungry! How was I to know that the
    camera was rolling?"**
    *pan to me*
    [conks Heero and Wufei on top of the head with it]
    _(it=pan, PAN, GET IT? HAHAHAHAHA.....oh c'mon...LAUGH! PLZ?)_
    Me: "C'MON WE HAVE A LIVE SHOW GOING ON HERE! GET IT RIGHT!"
    *pan ON Heero" (Ahahhahhaa.......C'MON LAUGH FOR ONCE!!!)
    _
    (Honourable mention to those who tell me what movie this next
    part of this story is from! It's my fav one of all time!
    But then I doubt that anyone else would remember this...)
    _**
    "But mommy, I don't wanna go to school today! I wanna stay
    home and bake cookies with you!"**
    *shakes head, ponders for a moment*
    **
    "Uum...oh yeah! RELENA!"
    "Yes, Heero?"
    "Omae wa korosu!!!!!!!!!!"
    "WHAT?!?!? THAT WASN'T IN THE SCRIPT!
    "Ooh uuh...hmm..."** *ponders again*** "Oh yeah!"
    "AND I'M GOING TO SUE THE PANTS OFF YOU, RELENA!"**
    *pulls out a gun and shoots Relena*
    Annoying narrator voice again:
    "What will happen next? Stay tuned to find out in the
    next episode of Dragon B...*whack* Wufei Goes To Court!"
    Me:** NOW GET QUATRE BACK IN HERE!!!!**
    Quatre gets dragged back in.** "TEA!! TEA!!! PLEEEASE!!"**
    *starts sobbing*
    *pan to me*
    *conk!* MUAHAHAHHAA.....okay that's enough of THAT lame joke!
    ~ ~ ~ ~
    *squirt*
    A steady stream of water hit Relena in the face. It lasted
    for three seconds before the gun ran out of water. Then she
    started screaming.
    "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
    AHHH! This dress cost me a Gun-damn fortune! You bastard!"
    _Oh I kill myself, haha =P_
    _clickclickclickclickclickclick_
    The recorder typed away at her keyboard.
    "Omae o korosu." Heero gave Relena a DeathGlare™ and then
    sat down very calmly in his seat.
    (That still makes a very good gift ^.^)
    _clickclickclickclickclickclickclick_
    "THIS IS ALL MY FAULT!!" Screamed a certain blond before
    running out of the room.
    _clickclickclickclick_
    The high-and-mighty ambassador stood there in shock,
    dripping wet. A moment later she started cackling her head
    off. (Guess Heero's insane laugh rubbed off on her!)
    **
    "Mwahahahhaahahahaaahahaahaa!! Bwahahahhaaahaa!!!" **
    She suddenly stopped when she realized every pair of eyes in
    the room was on her.
    **
    "Um... I"m leaving, and I demand an escort! HEEEEEERRRRRR-
    OOOOOOOO!!!"
    **
    _clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick_
    After everybody got their hearing back, nobody paid her any heed.
    But just then...
    **
    "..."** Someone at the back of the court room stood up,
    walked over, and offered her his arm.
    Heero Glared™ some more.
    Duo piped up. (dum dum dum drumroll please!)
    **"Trowa!! You traitor! You're supposed to be on our -- uh,
    I mean, Wufei -- yeah, that's it, WUFEI's side!!"
    "THIS IS INJUSTICE! WE HAVE A TRAITOR AMONG OUR MIDSTS!
    NATAKU WOULD NOT APPROVE!!"** (and we all know who said THAT)
    **
    "..."** (we all know who said that too!)
    Duo called a much needed recess.
    **
    "BUT WHAT ABOUT MY SHORTS?!?!!"** Heero shouted.
    **
    "Oh chill out, will ya man? We'll get to your shorts after
    everyone will remain calm...man I'm hungry, yo Wu-man,
    can I..."
    "No."
    "But I..."
    "No."
    "But I..."
    "Shut up, no"
    "B-b-b-b-bu-bu-but Wufeeeeeeeiii........"
    "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
    **
    And with that Wufei tackled Duo to the ground and tried to
    claw him to bits with his nails while the security guards
    who were getting REALLY tired of this pulled them apart.
    
    
    * C o u r t R e c e s s *
    
    
    **************************
    What'll happen after the court recess? Will Relena come
    back with *dry* clothing? Is Trowa really a traitor?
    Will Quatre go crazy.....again? lol
    **************************
    Lavender_mists: I seriously have no idea how I can always
    manage to make these fics so long and yet
    they have nothing in them! The next part's
    in the making! Sorry for this crappy part 2!
    Haha...well...Jeanette will have more say on
    what will go on in the next part.
    


	3. Court Recess

WAZZUP?! Hey, I'm surprised you even made it this far into the story!
    Here's a little um... pointless tidbit while you wait ever so patiently for
    the third part! Lotsa Love, Jeanette of the Gemini Twins
    
    
    * * * Court Recess* * *
    
    
    _clickclickclickclickclick_
    Duo: Um... court recorder person? You can stop typing now...
    Typist: Can't... stop... typing... _clickclickclickclickclick_
    everything... must... go on... record... _clickclickclickclickclick_
    Duo: *sigh* Well, might as well make the best of this situation!
    *Duo snaps his fingers and food magically appears in front of him...
    or rather, Hilde walked in the door with groceries in her arms*
    Duo: Ooohhh did you get me prison food?
    Hilde: If you're refering to the oatmeal, yes.
    Duo: *drool*
    Typist: _clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick_
    Hilde: Um.... nothing I say can and or will be used against me, right?
    Duo: *is too busy spooning oatmeal aka prison food into his mouth to
    answer her*
    Hilde: ... (nice Trowa impression, ne?)
    Wu Fei: You onna! *pulls out katana and attempts to hurt Duo yet once
    again*
    Quatre: *runs into the room* You shouldn't be fighting at all!
    *is dragged out by Dorothy*
    
    
    ***End Court Recess* * *


	4. Shall We Begin?

Lavender Mists: Hey hey someone figured out my movie! Congrats,
    The Romulus for being the second most intelligent person I know, (First
    being myself, hahaha, I'm too funny....)
    SPACE JAM! SPACE JAM!! Oh yeah...my FAV movie of all time (Yes, I'm in
    high school and it's my favourite movie even if my Kobe B. and my Austin
    C. aren't in it haha, oh well Muggsy was!)
    BTW. Lakers are gonna win the title again! (At least I wish for it, LOL)
    ~~~~~~~~~~
    *Annoying Narrator's voice* Last time, on Gundam Wi-- I mean, Wufei
    Goes to Court, Chapter Two... Heero, after discovering the disappearance
    of his beloved spandex shorts, decided to go to court and sue Relena.
    While our "honorable judge", Duo Maxwell gets in a catfight with hottie --
    um, scratch that-- Mister Chang Wu Fei, (*Narator cracks up* ahahah....
    five fly.... MUHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA) Heero ended up shooting her with a
    water gun. What'll happen next? Will Quatre satisfy his never ending
    craving for tea? Find out, on Gunda-- er, Wufei Goes Goes to Court,
    Chapter three.
    *the OTHER annoying narrator* The year is AW015. As our heros Garrod and
    Ti- *whack* *whispering: Wrong Gundam series!* *shuffle for the correct
    script* Ah, here we go. The year is AC -- eh that doesn't matter. Here's
    the jist of it: Heero lost spandex shorts. Suing Relena. End summary.
    READ!! Oh, and by the way, the Gemini Twins own SKGW and KSGX merchandise
    only! If they owned'em you can bet Relena would've been MUCH prettier!
    Now, on with the show! *circus music* *authoress has her life threatened
    by Trowa* *authoress turns off circus music*
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~
    **"So, 'Ero, ol' buddy, care to tell us what happened?"** His honor
    (heh heh heh) Duo Maxwell sat on the high seat, looking intensely into
    a mirror and braiding his hair behind his neck, occasionally sticking a
    bobby pin in place. (So THOSE are his so called lock pics... )
    **"Hn. Hnnnnnnn..."
    "I see... continue."**
    Everybody from the audience sweatdropped.
    Wu Fei couldn't stand it any more. **"This is ludicrous! How can that
    baka even understand that other baka's incoherent grunts? This is
    injustice I tell you, INJUSTICE!!!"
    "Wu-man. Must I remind you that Heero and I had been living under the
    same roof while we were at school together? Let's just say Shinigami
    and the perfect soldier got to know each other _very_ well."**
    With that, our perhaps not so honorable judge winked.
    Now it was Heero's turn to sweatdrop.
    **"Oh, 'Eero, it's nothing to be ashamed of! Compared to what Hilde and
    I ... heh heh...."**
    _*Authoress: Um.. Maybe I should attempt to steer clear of these...
    unclean jokes....*_
    Heero stood up from his seat beside Wu Fei, the self proclaimed Bringer of
    Justice and made his way to the witness stand beside Duo. (but not before
    Duo slapped his cute lil rear! : P) He gave the judge another DeathGlare™,
    (My, that still makes a great gift doesn't it?) sat down, and promptly
    began to tell his story again, this time in English, and not his hn-code.
    **"She stole my shorts."**
    Silence in the court literally as everyone waited for him to continue.
    He didn't.
    **"...Oooohhh kaaay then. Heero, you gotta give the jury just a TAD bit
    more information to work on...."
    "Hn. I woke up one morning and they were gone."**
    Dorothy, who was Relena's representative, interupted. **"Excuse me,
    Mr... "Yuy", if you weren't wearing them, just what were you sleeping in?
    Oh, I'm sorry. Let me correct myself. Was Relena in your bed that morning?"
    "Omae o korosu. I was... in a pair of jeans."
    "YOU LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!" **The accused Relena Dorlian/Peacecraft stood in
    the doorway, followed by Trowa, who was "escorting" Quatre back into the room.
    Quatre had on a pair of handcuffs and was looking *very* forlorn. His eyes
    welt up with tears as he gave Trowa a "sparkly eyes" look but even at that
    Trowa refused to take the handcuffs off for fear of having another tea-crazed
    Quatre in the room. (Poor, poor Quatre-sweetie...)
    **"You didn't sleep in a pair of jeans! Your honor, THIS is what he slept
    in that night!" ** She flashed everyone the famous Duo smirk (Ah!! She stole
    his smirk!!) and held up a polaroid picture of Heero in...
    *dum dum dum... drum roll please!*
    ...his preventer uniform. This is what everyone in the room looked like--> O.O
    *blink blink*
    When Relena didn't get the response she had been hoping for, she looked
    at the photograph in her hand.
    **"Oops... wrong one... here it is!"** And she held up another picture of
    Heero, this time wearing fluffy pink pyjamas with bunnies all over them.
    The audience in the court room blinked in unison.
    **"Uh, woman? How come you didn't present this evidence _before_ the
    court preceeding?"
    "I just had them developed, of course! Just what are you trying to prove,
    Wu Fei?" She gave him the evil eye as she reached up and handed the photo
    to Duo.
    "Oh, nothing important, just the fact that that is a poloroid picture that
    even the primitive technology of centuries ago was able to develop a
    photograph in mere seconds, whilest you stretched that timeslot to several
    weeks--"
    "Wu-man shut up! What ever Heero was smoking, he's gotta give me some!!" **
    Duo reached an arm behind his head and in the next second the photo was
    gone.
    Wu Fei was beginning to become quite outraged at this point. **"I will not
    stand by while my client is being harassed by some irrelevant forged photo!"
    "What photo?" ** Duo looked guiltily innocent. (huh?) **"Shall we proceed?
    Ah yes... where were we... Relena, do you plead innocent or guilty?"
    "Plead? My client IS innocent of this accusation, she has nothing to fear!
    Unlike you cowards who are too cowardly to fight in such a meaningful and
    beautiful war!" **Dorothy looked quite pleased with herself for making
    that speech, and flicked a loose strand of hair behind her ear with her finger.
    **"War..? Trowaaaa why is she talking about war? Will tea make it better?"
    (showing you the Trowa again!)
    "THIS IS INJUSTICE!!!! Nataku would not approve!" **For the millionth time
    that day, Wu Fei lunged at Duo and tried to slash him to non-existence with
    his kanata which he pulled out of who knows where.
    Then as suddenly as it had appeared, it disappeared (again to who knows where)
    and left a *mad* Wu Fei. So he decided to wring Duo's scrawny little
    neck instead.
    **"Some *gag* body *gag* help me *gag*!"** Poor Duo choked out the words as
    Wu Fei took no mercy on him. Suddenly Wu Fei noticed that things were... _falling
    out_ of Duo's braid. There were several combs, colognes, a bottle of perfume
    (presumably Hilde's!), scissors, Rashid's goggles, Trowa's hairspray... then came
    photos of Heero cuddling a teddy bear much like the one he gave to Relena, Wu Fei
    sucking on his thumb and sleeping in blue duck pjs and hugging a purple bunny-
    wabbit, Quatre and Trowa in a *very* compromising position, all the pilots minus
    himself in women's swimsuits, free fast food coupons, and a miniature scythe from
    his SD Deathscythe H-Custom...
    ***TBC***
    ~~~~~~~~~~
    lavender_mists : This one, Jeanette wrote actually all of it hhaha. You see
    the difference in the humour. Well actually....the difference is in the
    spelling...the american needs her spelling......
    Jeanette: LM! You didn't capitalize the A in American! *mad*
    ...Anyway, that's it for today, folks! Hope that wasn't _too_ long...
    since everyone was complaining about the segments being too long! Hehehe...
    keep coming back for more chapters! This is Jeanette Lockhart, out. : )


End file.
